Obsession
Whenever I start to obsess with someone or something, I start losing my mind, but this time around is much better.
Perhaps it is under the physiological effect e.g. the hormone or the psychological effect e.g. wild imagination
Most of the time the situation shall be the combination of both....just exactly like what make up a man
as mind & body are always functioning as a group...life or death, it always is....as the origin of a sentient being...
I am being rebellious recently, I lag back in my every part of my life....most of the time....
I procrastinate my work, I stop practicing sitting meditation & chanting,....
I start to 'hate'....my life getting tougher with this hatred around....
I hate to be someone who has better outlook than his inner world...
Looking at his face, full of grace; Thinking of her, full of compassion,...
I start to look back & reflect....why oh why?
Yes, I am just simply being lazy!
I realize I'm just human...
normal human full of greed, hatred & ignorance,
who dislike suffering yet doing things that attracting suffering which is ironic enough!
That's why I need to continue....practicing!!!
Bro in the Dharma in FB: Why every1 is always being controlled by his/her own emotion?
aren't we supposed to learn to control it?
The path of awakening needs a lot of determination, perseverance, discipline which I lack most....
I made countless vows....but I have forgotten most of them....but not this:
" I vow to practice Buddhism diligently with perseverance, uphold & spread the Dharma, ensuring the continuity of Buddhism!"
Belief is the basis to a religion....when someone starts to slack in practicing, he is meant to lose his faith eventually....
Until the last moment of the his life, coming to the last breath, with unclear conscious...
He suddenly thinks of the Triple Gem, he feels so regretful, but it is just too late for this life,
the Karma has to run its duty, the Universe has its own regularity...
I am confused...with what I want to be? I only know that I need a life that is simple with less vexation...
Yet again, I start looking outward to search for such life...I thought that is what it supposed to be...
The graceful man in front of me with full-lotus sitting posture smiling...
indicating I am just being foolish & forgetful...of what he had taught me countless life times ago....
一切恩爱会,无常难得久。生世多畏惧,命危于晨露。由爱故生忧,由爱故生怖。若离于爱者,无忧亦无怖。
坐亦禅,行亦禅,一花一世界,一叶一如来,春来花自青,秋至叶飘零,无穷般若心自在,语默动静体自然。
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