It's only the first week... I"m already a bit upset... Although I did reflect about what happened but really... I don't think I"m the only one that contribute to this end result of the situation.

why can't they be more considerate.
I wasn't given anything at from the start until I've requested many times and still only received partial portions only, while others were handed their own timetable and unit plans/materials on the first day after introductiong from their supervisors...

I know they're all busy people and I've tried to "be there" all times and tried to observe as much as I can... but a little guidance would be greatly appreciated.. It upsets me when I get told "be proactive!" at the end of the week, when I've tried my best to "fit in" and trying to figure out and settle things as much and as quickly as I can.

The staffs are nice but is rather hard to find a timing to ask or converse with them; and sometimes the responses are rather superficial... There are so many rehearsals going on at the same time every morning and I just can't be at every one of them at the same time! It's hard to please everyone and to figure out the right "distance" or way of interaction with them. Even though no one said much about it, but I can tell from the looks in their eyes - expectations.

I know I didn't do any classroom music during school, which will disadvantage me in some ways, but since I've came 'here' I'm always, continuously catching up with anything and everything! 

First the language; then the expectations from community, school, parents, social expectations etc; then piano (coz I was never good enough even tho I have endure the physical pain a number of times, but they still accuse me for finding excuses for being lazy and all the failures); catching up with music, since I"m not as knowledgeable, experienced or skilled like everyone else whom has been learning music and instrument since they're young (youngest one I heard was 3 years old); catching up with all the content etc after missing approx 2 months worth of year 12 subjects (6 subjects) within approximately 2 weeks time due to family issues, and had to sit for exam like everyone else and got blame for not working hard enough after failing Maths B complex reasoning and lower grades for other subjects (except for Japanese and art); and now, catching up with the supervisor's expectations. All my life (so far), I've been catching up to various things, but I would really appreciate if I can go at my own pace sometimes andd get some personal privacy happening!

I don't need and don't want to be 'monitored' 24/7

Teaching - I'm nervous about it and there's nothing I can do about it, it's part of the job/training. Everyone has to do it so it's good to gain more experience. But teaching approx 15 hours per week plus all the morning rehearsals can be quite demanding, plus all the expectations from various parties... argh..

I don't care if you don't understand or try to understand what I'm doing and trying to achieve, but just ask you to be considerate and leave me some space to breath. Teaching is not an easy job, especially music teaching (plus all co-curriculum stuff) so don't dumb down on me.

いまは何時でもどこでも泣ける自信がある。自分がこんなん泣き虫なんてはじめて知った。

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