June 12, 2010

雨季---祝福

淡黑色的月光

化成一道彩虹

曾經照耀著我

如今隨著雨落

忽明忽滅

像似帶著滿天的星空

依舊注視著我

拖著疲憊的身軀

轉阿轉

找不到通往北方的道路

但我依然佇立於平面之上

這算是值得誇耀的驕傲嗎

其實對我來說

是肯定的逗號

---------
習慣將心情轉成文字

因為那是我記錄心情的證明

但自從當兵之後

也沒有太多的想法

原來也不過就只是這樣

不情願不開心

也不能改變什麼

就好比人生

就算再多的抱怨

地球也依然在轉動

生命也一步步邁向璀燦

直到被遺忘的那一刻

只要最後

我是帶著笑容離開

一切都是值得了

離退伍的日子

似乎就在不遠之處

重要的是

我該好好的認真思考

我所想要的生命價值

我追求的

是屬於怎樣的人生

雖說大致上有個雛型

但太多的不明要素

如何仔細規畫出來

並且實踐它

是我當前的課題吧

不奢求大富大貴

但有些東西

是需要靠自己去掌握

---------
其實我並不怕生

而是將自己

隱藏的太好

保護的太好

所以我不愛跟不熟識的人多聊上幾句

也許懶的成份也帶在裡頭

我一直都認為

我是個很好理解

也很難理解的一個人

因為有時我也不太懂我的思考方式

對我來講

它永遠都不會有個固定的模式

也許就是這個原因

就算我不特別去接觸

也能夠交到不少信賴我的朋友

有些東西

雖然我並不會特地去說明

因為我不習慣將太內心的事情

去告訴週遭的人們

雖說內心中

依然期待有人能凝聽

但那依舊是個無解的秘密

畢竟我是個很看當下心情的人

除了原本深交的朋友們之外

我很慶幸的

當兵的這段期間

又遇上不少很奇特的人們

那可能就是我這一段時間

那才是我當兵所得到最大的財富

---------
有些事物

是人生中無法去控制的

就譬如喜歡我的人

我不一定會有感覺

我喜歡的人

不一定對我有特別的想法

這陣子

不管來自何方

都在詢問我

哪時交女友阿

怎麼不交女友阿

雖說不急

但4年過去

說不想找個人陪

也是唬爛的

但就如同我所說

雖然幸福是掌握在自己手中

但我並不能去改變別人的想法

我也不愛去硬要改變別人的觀點

有些東西是很奇妙的

就像我跟一個人說過

中間不管經歷多少痛苦

最後能跑回終點

結果是甜美的

那就已足夠

但是否真的有終點

那好像也不是我能得知的

但我也是必須跑下去

才能夠得知

當然前段日子

我很欣賞一個女生

因為她完全是我喜歡的類型

不管是外在跟內在

最重要是我喜歡有個性的女孩

但不管是太過神秘

或者護士的工作壓力真的很大

而我也無法進入她的世界

畢竟現在的生活方式落差太大

我想又是個無解的習題

但我依然想去外島

看看滿滿的星光

就算只是一個人

畢竟歲月中

已得到太多教訓

而那是否轉化為成長

誰知道

但我還是只能盡力做到最好

畢竟我也不在天真

夢想中的愛情

不是沒有

而是不會那麼輕易的出現

少了些衝動

對於追求女孩

並不是件好事

也許感性

但理性的念頭總是走在前方

太多太多需要思考

不是三言兩語

簡單說說就能夠蒙混過去

畢竟那是我人生的歷練了

還有些人想說

為啥我不用書臉之類的

又或者將文章隱藏起來

我想

對我來說

我只是想要

有個能夠寫寫文字的地方

因為這真的只是我

敘述心情的一個方式罷了

有沒有人注視

似乎也不是那麼的重要

因為這也只是我一個小小的天地

---------
此外

許久沒寫些東西

除了懶之外

是因為我暫時

都沒有什麼特別的想法

思緒也許混亂

但我努力的讓它平淡下來

不想去接觸太多紛擾

當兵之餘

就只是休息跟玩樂

如此簡單就是我當前的幸福

雖然

還有很多很多的事情

等待我去思考

但不論是回去念研究所抑是工作

還是交女友

這都不是現在的我

需要去煩惱的課題

這篇文章

其實最主要

是我想祝福一個人

因為對我來說

妳是唯一一個

曾經讓我感受到

真心愛著我的人

對我真的很好

也許我已經從此

消失在妳的世界之中

但我知道妳過的很幸福很好就足夠

現在的我

並不是個會追逐過往影子的人

但妳跟其它的不同在於

妳對我是真的

這一點就足夠

祝福妳

能夠讓深愛妳的人

感受到妳的真

祝福妳




生日快樂


----------
Not Afraid

[Chorus:]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just lettin you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

[Intro (during Chorus):]
Yeah, it's been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

You could try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take the sting out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'ma let you stop me from causin mayhem
When I say 'em or do somethin I do it, I don't give a damn
what you think, I'm doin this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if it thinks it's stoppin me
I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony
No if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he
From "Infinite" down to the last "Relapse" album
he's still shittin, whether he's on salary paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he's got the urge
to pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe

[Chorus]

Okay quit playin with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth, for that
Fuck your feelings, instead of gettin crowned you're gettin capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last "Relapse" CD was ehhh
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain't goin back to that now
All I'm tryin to say is get back, click-clack, blaow
Cause I ain't playin around
It's a game called circle and I don't know how, I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryin to figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't, this fuckin black cloud
still follows, me around but it's time to exorcise these demons
These muh'fuckers are doin jumpin jacks now!

[Chorus]

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
for you, so I could come back a brand new me you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they could do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
my world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
and drop dead, no more beef flingers
No more drama from now on, I promise
to focus solely on handlin my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof, like my daughters
and raise it, you couldn't lift a single shingle on it!
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
or the corner pub, and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar
I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazin at stars
I feel amazing and I'm

[Chorus]

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