age is an advantage
i saw him unlocking his drawer, took out his old passbook and was looking at the balance he has...
then he took out a card, with chinese characters written on it. it started off addressing him “爸“... i didnt take a longer look nor did i take another closer look. but i really dont remember if i wrote him a card in recent years...
it was either from me, or from siblings of that side.
either way, it pains me to see him doing things like this. yes, i was mad pissed with his laziness and not being responsible for the family all these years. but i know he loves me. and i know she loves me too.
i am their own hope and that's the reason why im hesitant about moving out.
but that's also the reason why i wanted to move out.
i wanted them to learn. am i offering the right lessons? i dont know.
there are a lot of things i can't tell the others.. about the family. that's why the story that cjj heard from me, wasn't complete. so i dont blame her for shaking her head as i spoke.
no one can help me decide. for there are too many secrets in this family. I've said more than i should....
Dear God, what would Your call be?
can i be lazy and leave all problems in Your care?
i think You have already settled cjj and I..
I need Your favour at home. with cjj already gone in my life, i dont want to lose anything else anymore. i pray for greater wisdom and courage to manage the matters at home. I pray for EQ and maturity to manage work and boss. I pray for You to look over cjj, bless her with happiness and contentment, as well as great health. I pray for Mum and Dad's awakening soon. I pray for them to be able to see, what has not been done right for decades.
I pray for a roof. I pray for monies, enough to keep us from starving.
Sorry God, i know i'm greedy. But I'm hungry.
Amen.

Sealed (Jun 30)









