August 20, 2013

age is an advantage

i saw him unlocking his drawer, took out his old passbook and was looking at the balance he has...


then he took out a card, with chinese characters written on it. it started off addressing him “爸“... i didnt take a longer look nor did i take another closer look. but i really dont remember if i wrote him a card in recent years... 

it was either from me, or from siblings of that side. 

either way, it pains me to see him doing things like this. yes, i was mad pissed with his laziness and not being responsible for the family all these years. but i know he loves me. and i know she loves me too. 

i am their own hope and that's the reason why im hesitant about moving out. 

but that's also the reason why i wanted to move out. 

i wanted them to learn. am i offering the right lessons? i dont know. 

there are a lot of things i can't tell the others.. about the family. that's why the story that cjj heard from me, wasn't complete. so i dont blame her for shaking her head as i spoke. 

no one can help me decide. for there are too many secrets in this family. I've said more than i should....

Dear God, what would Your call be?

can i be lazy and leave all problems in Your care?

i think You have already settled cjj and I..

I need Your favour at home. with cjj already gone in my life, i dont want to lose anything else anymore. i pray for greater wisdom and courage to manage the matters at home. I pray for EQ and maturity to manage work and boss. I pray for You to look over cjj, bless her with happiness and contentment, as well as great health. I pray for Mum and Dad's awakening soon. I pray for them to be able to see, what has not been done right for decades.

I pray for a roof. I pray for monies, enough to keep us from starving. 

Sorry God, i know i'm greedy. But I'm hungry. 

Amen. 
 

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Personal Category: Vivien的胡言亂語 Topic: feeling / personal / murmur
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