December 5, 2010

Speranza.

what is the best thing you can tell to someone?
for me, it is be happy. rather than telling someone how much you love them, the simplest and yet most sincere thing you can wish a person is happiness.
im really touched when kwon said that tonight, it felt as if i've the best blessing that i could ever get.

of course, i was happy with the love for chansung filling my heart to the brim that all i can do is smile at him widely and stupidly. at that moment, it seems as though he's the only person in my world, all i could see and hear is him till the state that i dont even pay attention to what the other members are saying. it feels as if my eyes are glued on him, i know when he flicked his sweat away, when did he make a super childish and yet fun expression that totally destroyed his image, and i remembered the way he slumped back to his chair.

it seems as though i can't fit anyone else into my world, my eyes will always and only follow him. even with junsu in front of me, i'll turn sideways to catch a glimpse of chansung. the second eye-contact with junsu is also broken off quickly in my desperate attempt to catch chansung's every action. even when junho looked at me in the eye, i cannot be satisfied, all i want at that moment is for chansung to look at me. the desire is so strong till i started praying and will even stare at his back view rather than see taec who's prancing in front of me.

that's how much i love this kid. the love is so suffocating and yet it warms my heart. this is an infatuation that makes me notice him and only him. i'll always be happy because of the silly things he do and yet i'll be heartbroken with the other things he does. there's a huge amount of stress in trying to catch up with him and catch his attention. it is a paradox that i'll be completely stucked in unless i manage to find someone whom i can love more than him.

when i saw him in the white suit, my mind told me i've found my angel.
i met my angel. he might not be the sexiest, might not be the best-looking, isnt the best in everything he tries to do. he's an idiot who's too childish and has an obsession with bananas. but i only want him.

maybe, a few months down the road, i'll look back and laugh at my idiocity for thinking my love for chansung will be lasting and that i felt such strong emotions now. but i know now, he's the only person i will want to impress and work hard for. he's the only person that can make me ignore all the problems im currently facing and turn me positive. he's the only person who i really want to be friends with no matter what i have to do.

for now, i just hope that he'll read the first ever fanletter i wrote to a korean artist. its impossible that i'll get the honor of meeting him like in the movie, i love you too, but all i want is for him to read it and remember that to hottests, no matter what his well-being is what we're most concerned with.


i've changed my style of blogging a bit after reading a wonderful blog even though i might not be a big fan of that person, but nevertheless, i'll want my blog to be something that is pleasurable when reading even with all the chansung love im spreading around here.

i've lost my original motive of blogging about MULA and adding chansung as a side. instead, the whole post is focused on him with no other mention of my other biases. but it feels right to stop it like this. for now, my ability to love, believe and dream is the only thing that feels right in my world.

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