December 2, 2010

December

Time flies. The last time I blogged, I had recently graduated and completed my internship with Sydney Festival 2010. I had been packing for a trip to China for the first time in 12 years. That was May.

Now it's December again. This time last year, I was basking in the joy of graduation and subsequent death of assessments. I was spending two days a week at the beautiful Sydney Festival offices in the Rocks, and one day a week working at Rosehill racecourse, with an occasional shift at the Sydney Cricket Ground or Football Stadium. The rest of my time was spent lounging around, doing absolutely nothing. Those were the days.

I was dreaming about places I'd never visit, people I'd never meet. Wondering if I'd ever be able to find a job, wondering what entering the workforce would be like, wondering how I'd cope. I was lost in a little world of my own. Looking back, there's so much I could have accomplished in those days; learnt to play the ukulele, or made a movie perhaps. But no. All that time wasted. Didn't seem to matter so much at the time, but as they say, as you get older you start to miss all the time you wasted in your youth. I'm 21 and the regret is already kicking in. Almost.

A year later. December, 2010. The trip to China was absolutely fantastic, virtually visited all the tourist destinations in Beijing, and spent a lot of time with my family over there. Through a completely unexpected turn in events, I was even fortunate enough to be whisked off to Shanghai for 4 days. Not exactly part of the original plan, but you won't hear me complaining. Went to the World Expo on day 2 (insane, insane, and insane), and was given a personal tour of the grand city on day 3. Spent the rest of my time lounging in my beautiful, spacious room watching every Chinese series on television, exploring the rest of the massive complex, or playing table tennis on the top floor of the fitness building. All in all, I think I spent no more than 100RMB in Shanghai, and that was on nuts and cakes. Definitely a great trip.

Upon my return to Sydney, and my mundane life, I immediately found a job in advertising and started within a month of arriving back. And here I am now - working 6 days a week (5 on a good week), with barely any time to spare.

No more dreaming, no more wondering. Hey, I guess it's not as bad as all that!

At any rate, a few weeks ago the dreaming started again. I spontaneously impulse bought a piano, and I'm about to buy a camera, iMac and condenser mic. Aside from annoying my neighbours (for a mile in every direction no doubt), I'm hoping to start filming again so as not to throw my Uni major AND major hobby away. And maybe, just maybe, one day I can get out of advertising and into filming.


May 5, 2010

Reminiscence

They say that when a person reaches the end of their life, they see their whole life flash before their eyes in an instant. They relive the joy, the pain, the guilt, the humiliation, and laugh at their mistakes. They look back on their choices, the paths they took, the avenues they left behind. They remember the people they loved, the people they hurt, and the people they forgot. So many dreams, hopes, fears, regrets. Do they feel a sense of accomplishment? Contentment? Peace in their hearts as they look back and smile? Or do they feel overwhelming remorse? Regret? A final shattering realization that it is too late to take back a hurtful word, too late to cherish a loved one, too late to apologize to a neglected friend? Do they anticipate the end of their journey? Do they fear it? Are they grateful for what they've been given? Or are they spiteful to be taken away so soon? Can they see the road ahead? It is bright? Is it dark? Will there be someone waiting on the other side? Will they be missed? Or will their passing go unnoticed and unmourned? In a single instant, it is as though a blindfold has been lifted, as their eyes truly see the world around them, and they embrace it for the first and last time.

The end of our lives. Could be today. Could be tomorrow. Could be eighty years from now. Hard to say. I almost envy those with terminal illness, for they are able to spend the remainder of their lives correcting mistakes and saying goodbye to their loved ones. Unlike those who die suddenly in accidents and intentional accidents. The truth is that although we can't see when our lives will end, we should not live fearfully, but rather openmindedly. Don't live for money and vain worldly possessions, because once you're gone, they means nothing. Live for people, because even when you're gone, you live on through them.

In my life, I've had much for which to be thankful. I have my family, whole and healthy. I have my friends, and although I have lost contact with so many along the way, they remain with me in my memories. I have my life experiences, my education, my beliefs, my ability, all that I need to find my way in the world. I have everything.

I am a devout Christian. I've seen my fair share of miracles, and witnessed first hand how tragedies bring out the better side of human nature. My faith stands unshaken after all these years, because I have no reason to doubt. God has been with me every step of the way, guiding me through hazardous rocks and flying by my side through open air.

I say I don't believe in fate, but deep down in my heart I'm sure I do. There's a reason for everything, meaning behind every riddle. I'll take the good and the bad, and try to make some sense out of it. Fate, is a miraculous thing.

On January 19th, 2007, I made my first forum. I poured so much time and effort into it, and soon made friends with many members. Those were good times. Everyone was so close, like a real family. In fact, it was such a success that I made my second forum on January 30th, 2007. Through affiliation, many of the original members also joined the second forum and everyone became even closer. On February 7th, 2007, Kathy joined the second forum, and was soon swept into our expanding group of friends due to her enthusiasm and eagerness to participate. On February 9th, 2007, Kathy posted the first comment in my introduction thread. I had said that I lived in Australia. I was 17.

HIII!!

which part of Australia are you from?? SYD? xD if you are SO AM I!
lol... your a year younger then me though xD..

wow u learnt alot of languages! xD multi-talented xD
NICE TO MEET YOU ^^
The next day I replied and confirmed that yes, I do live in Sydney, and that I was commencing Uni next month. I asked her which Uni she would be attending, and joked that it would be cool if we went to the same one. She wrote back four hours later:
LOL! ahahaha...
yeah starting uni this year... i thought u were in yr 12 this year lol my bad xD

im around strathfield area.. u?!?!?!
im going to UNSW.. are u?1?!?! hahaha if u are that so kool!!! xD
oh and wat course are u doing??

hahaha yeah nice to meet you too xD
At this point I had a fit of excitement of course, because I actually might get to meet her. Which was nice, because a lot of my other close forum friends lived overseas. I told her I would be studying Media & Communications, bouncing the question back to her as customary. Not even in my wildest dreams did I anticipate her reply.
AHAHAHA... xDxD
im doing B arts (media and communications)
LOLZ!!! *hi5*

haha yeah alrite lets meet up sometime ahhaha
are you going to O-week?
I almost died of excitement. And wrote a huge, long, capitalized exclamation of delight. I had thought I would be starting Uni alone, and never had I imagined I would meet my first and best Uni friend online, in an international forum I had made for fun. As Mia commented in utter surprise, things like this just don't happen everyday. No, they really don't.

At that point everyone started offering suggestions as to how we should meet and recognize each other, ranging from waving banners, to forum nametags, to personalized t-shirts. And of course we did meet, in our first ever Film lecture. I still remember it quite clearly. One of us was late, or maybe we just didn't have any clue what the other looked like, but we couldn't find each other before the Ritchie Theatre class started. After class we both hung around, and she called me. I noticed her holding her phone, and the rest is history.

Kathy and I, we could talk so easily, about anything and everything, and we got along as though we had grown up together. Even though we haven't seen each other at all after graduation almost two months ago, and don't get to speak nearly as much as we used to, she still remains one of my best friends, and I hope our friendship continues, because hey Kathy, it's fate!

Fate, is such a miraculous thing. You will never guess what could happen in the next second, who you might meet, what that may mean. In a sense, it gives life entertainment value.

Speaking on such an intriguing topic, I feel compelled to dwell a little longer.

Around November, 2000, my family and I moved to St Andrews and we began attending Minto Church. There I met Gab. I barely looked at her, as she sat with Tab and Jon and likewise ignored me. Again, it was fate that made us friends. One afternoon, we were at Steph's house, and all the children were playing in the yard with a beachball. Gab and I were the eldest two present, and we controlled the game. Suddenly a gust of wind (fate in disguise?) blew the ball into the neighbour's yard. We just stood there, looking at each other like idiots. Then we both started laughing, and the ice broke a little. But the real stroke of fate, the final seal of our friendship, wasn't delivered until after Christmas. I remember being dressed in oversized towels from the Christmas play when her mother proudly told my mother that Gab would be starting highschool at St George Girls in a month. She was a little worried though, as the school was almost two hours away by train. This worry didn't last long, as my mother promptly told her that I was attending the same school. So, for the next six years, Gab and I caught the train to and from school every weekday, and we saw each other seven days a week. In fact, during school term, I'm quite sure I saw her more than my own family. At the time, we were the only students from St George Girls who travelled to school from our area, so we can safely say it was fate, or maybe God answering her mother's prayers for Gab not to be alone on the treacherous road to school, that brought me to Church and then Steph's house to become friends with her. So many years after highschool, she is still one of my best friends, and I am sure that we will always be. Last month, I just filmed an MV for her 21st birthday. We've known each other for over a decade.

More examples?

Take Scott, a very cool Canadian game programmer I met at Game Jam Sydney 2010. I was on the Media crew, holding the massive camera and filming everyone. He was one of many very cool game programmers, so I didn't really remember him. On April 10th, 2010, I was on the train home from working at the Swans vs Tigers AFL match. Being me, I chose to sit in the very last carriage of the train, as it stops directly in front of the exit at my station. Being midnight, the train was dead empty. My guess was no more than seven passengers in the entire train when I got on at Central. My carriage, was definitely empty. At Redfern, a single person got on my carriage, and came downstairs to sit. I must admit, I was a little annoyed. The carriage was empty, why couldn't he sit upstairs? At Sydenham, he got up and walked over to me, a little worried. He inquired whether the train was going to stop at Penshurst, because his iPhone didn't seem to think so. I reassured him that it did. He told me he was a chef, working from morning till night, and when I asked whether he was Scottish, he replied he was Canadian. Various Canadian jokes from the Winter Olympics ensued, and it turned out he was a writer too, with his first book soon to hit the racks in your local bookshop. I was impressed. His book seemed deep and satirical, a good read. Trying to explain his other hobbies, he asked me whether I had ever heard of Game Jam. I don't think he expected me to, as it was a niche event and this was Sydney's first time running it. My reply of, "omgosh I was totally there" surprised him considerably. We stared at each other until I remembered him as the Canadian dude who wrote down everyone's emails after the three days spent in confinement and sent us details about a gamer website he was trying to build up, and he remembered me as the crazy girl running around with the oversized video camera. Not hard to remember, I must say, considering there were only five girls there altogether, and definitely only one running around with an oversized video camera. Small world, isn't it? Empty train at midnight, he was the only other passenger. There I was, thinking I was talking to a complete random. Turned out we knew each other. Turned out we live very close to each other.

The list is endless. There's Arthur, whom I first heard of on AF (yes Arthur, you were famous back then), then met through Jenny (forcing both of us to moderate on her Hu Ge forum) a while later, only to find that we both live in Sydney, and we both attend UNSW. Then Marcela, whom I also heard about on AF (everyone was in awe of her), and who turned out to be not only in Sydney and UNSW, but also in my Media course at Uni as well. Like Kathy. Wow. Michelle, who was my best friend in fourth grade when I first arrived in Australia, and who I lost contact with completely until she appeared at St George Girls in year eleven. Cris, who also arrived at St George Girls in year eleven and quickly joined our group, had come from Macquarie Fields High, the school that I was originally going to attend with my primary school friends. She knew them all.

Fate never ceases to impress me, and I look back on these past events with wonder. I'm sure there are many more people out there I'm destined to meet, and I'm excited to meet them when the time is right. For now, I am so glad to be blessed with the people I have. I couldn't ask for more. Life is full of surprises. I want to cherish every part of every moment, so at the end of the road, I can look back with a smile.


September 8, 2007

Back again




Wow, it's been almost a whole month since I last blogged. Semester 2 at Uni has come off to a great start, with the odd 4 assessments per week since week 3. I'm learning to use Flash, making my own films, dreaming in Jap (no, not really), still writing crappy essays at 3AM, keeping off the caffeine even when I am writing crappy essays at 3AM (this feat I regard with pride) and yeah, just hanging in there, trying to make the most of this episode of my life.

For those who know me well (or think you do), it might shock you to hear that I'm studying Philosophy as my 4th subject, considering how passionately I dislike it. But like they say, every black and non-fluffy cloud has a silver lining. Philosophy for me, is no study + easy marks, considering how much of the stuff we've done previously in highschool Extension Latin, Extension English and Extension History. Plus, the course deals with arguments and 'thinking about reasoning.' That's probably why I'm still alive. Barely.

I'd have liked to head this entry with a photo of all my notes and textbooks, just so you can all share my pain. But alas, I am lazy.

Recently, I have broken my glasses again, this time thanks to the tatoms (atoms with a 't' to keep my alliteration going). And, I feel too sleep-deprived and brain-dead to think of anything else.

This week, of course, is APEC (yay) so Sydney, Australia is undeniably the best place to be right now. I had a great laugh from the Herald yesterday morning, and my belief in the Chasers' greatness has been affirmed yet again. They're like the Harry Potters of this dull, homogenized place. I aspire to be like them one day. Bringing hope to the world through law-breaking and mocking people I don't like whilst being paid for it sounds like the perfect career for me.

Next week, is my Film pitch. And I haven't got any ideas as to what kind of Film I want to make. I'm all for bluffing (again) but my damn pride refuses to let me be eaten alive by those Film nerds. I will make my mark on the world! I will shock and astound them with my bullet speech, and ... and - and yeah ...

Ok, I'm a goner.

But I will struggle till the end! MAC COMPUTERS, THOU SHALT NOT DEFEAT ME SO EASILY! Even if you destroyed my first relatively simpler assessment, I can still get my marks back in the next two 10-billion-times-harder-and-worth-double assessments! HA! Film pitch ... T.T Some-one shoot me. Or else give me a good idea, inspire me! (Might be the better, though not simpler, option)

This return to blogging is turning into a 'REVENGE ON MACS' session, which tells me I should probably stop procrastinating and get back to brainstorming that Film pitch. That way, my dream might be taken a step closer to completion. But please, until Wednesday 12:59PM I'm very open to ideas!! Anything you want to see made? Do tell me and I just might pitch it for you using my oh-so-great pitching skills!

For now, ciao, I'm off. But never fear, for I shall be back! =]

- Mon


July 13, 2007

「十三」


今天是一年少见 「十三号」的星期五
很多超出意料的事情 迫不及待 等着发生
想必大家都有发现 在任何超出想象事情发生后 仔细思考时 会不知不觉笑起来
或者是其他强烈感受也有可能

今天发生了一件满有趣的事情 之后我笑的原因不只一个
故事很长 让我来长话短说

It truly is ironic that the very last entry I made was on Paraskavedekatriaphobia. For today, Friday, July 13th, 2007, something rather unanticipated occurred. To cut a long story short, a leisurely afternoon stroll turned into a frantic fight for survival, as my sister and I were closely pursued by none other than a ... stalker cat!

It came out of nowhere ... seemingly appeared out of the bushes. When we approached, it didn't even move. And when we finally managed to evade it, it was gone as suddenly as it had come. Strange, to be sure.

Anyway, we spent around half-an-hour frantically scrambling up near vertical boulders in the vain hope that it would not follow. Then we battled the undergrowth and raced through thorn bushes and wild, clustered greenery which evidently hadn't seen human life for a considerable period of time. And well, 'twas a rather fine way to spend Friday afternoon ... don't you think?


June 28, 2007

Paraskavedekatriaphobia



Paraskavedekatriaphobia. Does anyone know this word? Does anyone have this fear? Perhaps unconsciously, this is one of the most predominant fears to have secured its roots. Built upon centuries of superstition, 'paraskavedekatriaphobia' simply refers to the fear of 'Friday 13th.'

Ridiculous, you may think, how triskaidekaphobia evolved into paraskavedekatriaphobia ... but the true power of superstition-invoked fear is, well, powerful. The term itself is made up of several Greek words, and I do believe that in the olden days, it used to be 'Tuesday the 13th' in countries such as Greece, when bad luck and all manner of accursed things would run riot. How it changed to Friday is a mystery. Well, to me anyway.

As with all things, I am of course full of personal anecdotes. But I, most thankfully, do not possess this fear. The 'Friday 13th' which stands firmly in my memory was in 2004. Year 10 camp. Canberra.

Split up into cabins of four, Gab, Cat, Jen and I shared a cabin. Gab and Jen took the double bed, Cat took both bunks and I was left with the single, oddly positioned bed beneath the TV, by the window. More about this later. After lights out, and everyone had eaten about as much as they could without throwing up, we wondered how to spend the night. Someone, I forgot who, decided we were going to watch TV. So we did. Then, one by one, they all fell asleep. So I, all alone, finished watching that moderately violent episode of Alias at around 1AM and then went about making sure everyone was asleep. I cleaned up the area a little, turned off Gab and Jen's bedside lights and finally stumbled into my isolated bed. That year, year 10 camp, turned out to be the only camp in which I slept more than 2 hours. I slept 3.

Some time before 5AM, I was awoken by something. When I got up, the room felt somewhat ... different, but disregarding that, I set about washing up and stuffing bags as best I could. At 5, Cat's alarm rang. And everyone tried to keep sleeping. But at 5:30, I was adamant. So by 6AM on the morning of Friday 13th, 2004, we were all up and packing.

Now, to the real point of the anecdote and its link to the topic at hand. My bed, foot right below the TV, directly facing the door on one side and right beside the window on the other, was not in an entirely desirable position. Why? Well, let us just say that I slept 3 hours on Friday 13th right beside the window, with my head directly in line with a pole just outside the window, where someone had quite recently died. Hmm ...

I think by now everyone knows why no-one else chose that particular bed to sleep on ... but hey, I'm me, and what do I fear?! Answer: rarely what others fear ... their fear is my strength, you might say! Coming from someone who barely hesitated before jumping onto the railway tracks in chase of her escaped English homework in 9th grade ... remember that guys?! Well that's another story, for another rainy day.

Anyway, what made me think of this? What made me write about it? Well, on Wednesday, June 13th, 2007, my luck was 500% rotten. Too embarrassed to write of it, even on my blog. Yes, it was that bad. But it’s over now, and as with all things, time turns even the worst of things into mere memories. Only memories.



June 6, 2007

18




终于18了
感觉一切和以前一样
似乎什么都没变

早上还是早早起床
照样坐在电脑前面
听歌 下载 写文章

不过我的世界已经改变了
就算多么难接受
18岁已经不是小孩了

个性会有因此改变吗?
我想不会
矮小 爱笑的我 永远都不会变

无论未来如何
我想我不会再变了
真实也好 伪装也行 这就是我

不管18对我来说是好 是坏
人生 命运 以把我带到今天
所以我也会默默接受

每个人都应该用最乐观的态度面对人生
因此我也会
我18了!! =]



May 27, 2007

Uncertainty




Do you ever get that nagging feeling of helplessness?

When you're leaving something important undone, fully aware that you'll regret it later, and yet there's nothing you can do about it? When you're evenly torn between two or more sides and no decision seems just right? When everyone and everything passes you by as you stand at the junction and watch them go? When the world revolves as it always does, completely oblivious to the troubles of one person? When you watch your loved ones leave one by one, until you are all alone? When you sit in a dark room, shrouded in your own misery, knowing that fate has stripped you of everything you care about? When joy is a past delusion and all that's left are bitter memories? When no-one seems to understand anything you're trying to say? When being yourself isn't quite good enough?

When an eternity has passed,
The world has changed,
Yet you remain stranded
On the island of uncertainty.

Sad, but true.

Whenever you have a bad day and nothing seems right,
You question life.
Whenever you lose a loved one and the world seems forlorn,
You question existence.
Whenever you find yourself alone against the world,
You question justice.
Whenever you find your dreams shattered,
You question reality.
Whenever life serves you all that you desire,
You forget to question.

Perhaps you should learn to question the good and the bad.
Perhaps you should learn to accept all that is given to you.
Perhaps that, is the meaning of life you seek?

When you cry, let your tears ease the pain.
When you bleed, let the past numb the present.
When you suffer, know that you are not alone.

Life was not meant to be easy,
Grief was not meant to be concealed.
Love was not meant to be painful,
And you, are not meant to be anyone but you.

For although we dwell in a world of uncertainty,
Where all are reserved for fear of injury,
We cannot ignore the persistent call of humanity,
To drown in deep pools of helplessness and misery.
But even so, you need not despair unto eternity,
No need to ever fear the feeling of uncertainty,
Because remember, you’ll always, always have me.

- Mon



May 23, 2007

王子




词如诗 曲动听 栋梁哥哥新专辑的主打歌曲 "王子" 真的是天下无双

专辑六月1号发行 经典歌曲包括: "陌路" "如果" 和从未试过的新风格 "游戏"
如果可以,大家一定要支持!

但如同往次 由于精心创造 每首歌都是无话可说的好

以下是栋梁哥哥的 "王子"
但愿大家喜欢!




谈到 "王子" 这个话题 我又想到一些可聊的点子
虽然和这首歌毫无联系 但我知道它迟早会出现
十七岁的我 早已超越相信童话的境界 早已看清真实的世界
因此我不会抱着童话实现的期待度一生

为什么有神奇的童话故事? 为什么有美妙的结局?
美丽,善良的公主与英俊,勇敢的王子共度一日之交便拼死拼活的相爱
打败所有恶魔后 在对方父母和两国人民的祝福下诚心诚意的成婚
这种美满的结局是我们又喜欢又讨厌的故事情节
我们喜欢它 因为它是我们每个人内心深处渴望的未来
同时 我们讨厌它 因为它所代表的一切只是一时的梦幻

今天的公主 美丽的不多 真正心地善良的更少
现在的王子 有几个不是宠坏的野蛮色鬼?
有几个值得继承王位?
有几个拥有带领一个国家的能力和决心?

看来 还是莎士比亚的 "咯密噢与朱丽叶" 比较有现实感



May 17, 2007

Life and death





What does it mean to be alive?
Does everyone deserve to live?
What constitutes a good life?

Why do people fear death?
When are we ready to die?
Are we ever?

Why do some who die deserve life,
Whilst others who remain alive deserve death?

Who can answer these questions?
Can anyone?

I wonder.

As imperfect, sinful humans, do we have the right to impose our own judgement upon those around us? Do we have the power to condemn others? Do we have the ability to determine true good and evil?

I think not.

Without good, there would be no evil.
A world without either would not be complete.
A life like that, would hardly be worth living.
Or would it?

Since the beginning of time, we humans have pondered these questions in vain. For indeed, who are we to question the will of God? Given the power, should we eliminate those who oppose us? Should we kill those we deem unworthy of life? If we do, then what does that make us?




May 6, 2007

曾经 往后




一圈一圈 地球不停在转 人类盘桓
还会有多久?

曾经 回想宇宙诞生之时 美丽无比
谁能猜到会有今天的局面?

现在 眼看人类互相残杀 暴力为生
谁能怀疑我们不幸的宿命?

往后 等待世界末日到来 地球毁灭
谁能妄想解救或挽回从前?

回想美丽的曾经
等待毁灭的往后
为什么人类仍然如此固执 执迷不悟?

为什么要欺骗?
为什么要作恶?
为什么要夺权?
难道会因此得到短占的快乐?

不顾后果 以气行事之人
必成锁定人类灭亡之祸
此乃古人之言

现在还有一丝时间
可是已经太晚
古人理智多端 说的好
万山以改 本性难移

不求教诲之人
才是终竟后悔者

若不吸取教训 历史的价值就会重重下降
记载的曾经 入录的现在
会不会被失意的往后一网打尽?
还有没有期待的未来?





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