As u see my profile picture, i'm no longer the naive little girl any more. In look wise i'm more matured after perming my hair. New look new life?Maybe, maybe not who knows? I dun care what people say bout me, cause thats the way they express thier feelings without hessitation,i'm used to it. Whatever or how its already done so i just don't cry over spilt milk thats all, Just live with it, if u cant change the consequences.


   I'm lost, confused and miserable as the days flew by me. Clocks ticking, warning me i'm out of time. Finished my secondary education , should i further my studies or to be set up in a blind date and marry off ( the tradition of chinese ppl long long time ago)?I've decided to go for nursing since i was in secondary school. To be to sure what i want isn't a good thing. Everyone knew what i wanted to be, some laugh on my stupidity, look down on my future career and so much things going on through your so called ' friend'. That minor things does'nt bother me as much as my family and relatives.

   They understand my goals, they supported me positively and they even help me find some resources.I appriciate it a lot but there's a problem, at first i wanted to study my course at a local college compared to a nursing college which both provides same course structure and scholarships. But what they think is that a nursing college will have better teaching facillities because they have their own hospital but i found out its the same. Local colleges dont have thier own hospital but they do have the proper facilities provided,we will even be enrolled for hands on in a hospital.

   When i finally agreed with studying in nursing colleges, there goes another question private or goverment? Frankly looking in both hospital, i would preferably work at private, its more clean more tidy and more effective, the surrounding is more pleasant to work in goverment hospital. Goverment hospital is cheap so it looks old and filthy filled with lower class citizen so i'll end up meeting those lower class citizen which is more on thier 'people'. The pay is low compared to private and the chance of getting promoted is only 10% for chinese because its goverment and in Malaysia its a must for thier 'people' to be in a highier position no matter what qualification they have in a company. Its un fair, we work so hard and yet did'nt have a chance to be promoted.

   They wanted me to study there socialised with thier people i understand s that one racist will cost another racist but i'm not being racist i just don't like thier offer. I don't want to work in an unpleasant situation for my whole life, It sucks!! They said this in a demonding method can i reject thier good advice? Shall i make them pleased ? They have experience the situation because they all are from goverment but there's no one from private give me any advice to fight back thiers and to prove my decision is right. Shall i go for my own choice or listen to the elder. I already step back a few times trying to negotiate with them shall i continue this time? Its my life my dream, one wrong step and my whole life gone.

   I wanted to study in local college is because it makes me feel more like a student. I get to mix around with various course of people, wherelse in nursing college those people are mainly nurses no architect , engineer or even hotel management student . None of them in my field. I can imagine the life in college prom night, assignment and chatting around with roomate about their courses. Its like a student there. And the important part to me is i want a stable earning future husband not a nurse husband , thats why i wanted to socialize with various diploma holder students and not being trapped in a nursing field society.I had even fear of being single till my late 40's in this career line. I'm a woman i wish to had my own family too. Someone to rely on to share burden with, to care and to be loved.

   I just don't know what to do, crying does'nt east my feelings of fear, it wil just make me feel better for a while the problem still remains unsolved. Can anyone help me out ?? God please show me the correct path. I'm so lost so confussed ...

The roads are tough
the roads are dark


i’m right here
in the dark

who am i
where was i
in the middle of the road
in the middle of the night

turns dark brown night

in a corner
but you’re  away
and left me here

on my cheek
wet my face
burns my dreams

i’m dying here
forgetting the past
laying aside
erasing our past

love is pain
and it explains
the word insane

life is short
life is bored
to change the life   
u need to be strong

happiness cant be valued
so does ones true love is
dun doubt on thier love
juz doubt on who does it deserves

money does’nt make things work
it will only make man work
doing stuff beyond humanity
cheating, raping ,killing and fighting

but not the long lasting love

be who u are to born to be
do things that is right to do
just stand up and wipe off the tears
a new chapter of life have just begin

Holiday =  boring
  Single    =  lonely
  Holiday + Single = CRAZY

 So hard to find a job during this recession year. The pay is low and ntg is included.Ntg. I'm so tired of going for interview day by day, calling up asking for job, everytime they heard about permanent or part time, they see us as criminals!!! Then the usual saying ''i'll think about it i'll call u in 2 days time.'' When u hear this there's no more chance. So tired So bored SO SINGLE SO INSANE!!!!

 Everyone after SPM wanted a long lasting relationship. HAha its easy to think but hard to find. Its not like we're living in fairy tale story '' She finally found the prince and they lived happily after...'' WHo don't wana live like dat ? Eternal... makes me wonder is there such a word like forever will there always be forever??? Maybe its sweet to listen so they invented this but who knows one day the forever will be gone and changed into permanent? Permanent love? Permanent friend?

 So sick seeing those stupid newz about support Iraq n boycott America. For godsake think twice before doing that!! YAh we're MALAYsian so support IRAQ becoz of religions or maybe politic. But whats the benifit of supporting IRAQ?? How will they thank us if by supporting IRAQ ?? If buy supporting any part of them will stop war who wont? And by the way of boycotting, we really wont affect thier economies. Truthfully, we arent that GREAT till will effect BIG COUNTRY and such MODERNIZE COUNTRY. Stop dreaming just wake up. Think before speaking. Sometimes i think politics people just say it to gain peoples trust say it to gain more power or maybe reconization? HAHA funny ...

 Fealing so down, friends are all apart, persueing thier dreams. All away ? Will we still meet again? Will we always remain that same old buddies having fun together straying about at malls or even watch some stupid movie together? Will there still have any chance to do it again ? If i kept u as my friend will you do the same to me? will you ever forget me? Or will we be strangers?  Pls do keep in touch my friends. ~ happy memory~