Shawn
Was it Shawn or Sean?
I will never know.
Sometimes people were just meant to cruise into our lives briefly for, let's say, ten minutes, and quickly out again.
You don't know the person well, only a distinct impression that they left you with.
I wouldn't know how he felt when he first had his heart broken, or what his tribal tattoos symbolized and he wouldn't know how I felt about him or how well I remember him. In fact, he may be in jail, or hung over some crazy night after running away from the cops.
I don't know, and if that were to happen; well I don't know that side of him. He's more of a character in this short story than a person to me.
It's not just Shawn, it maybe you, reading this. Sometimes I write here, in some quiet, unadvertised blog because I write to say things that I can't say to people, or to people who aren't in my life anymore.
The people who aren't in my lives anymore, the teachers, the exes, the friends that aren't quite friends anymore, have just became another chapter in my life. Although often times, I just miss you. A shout out that will never be read to Nono. I miss you, I miss you Nono. Yet this past summer when I was in Taiwan, I didn't bother looking for you. It feels like I have moved on too far away already. That's what I'm afraid of as well, that so much time has past that we're not even relative anymore, we don't even matter. This won't just be with you Nono, my 2006 muse, but with other people as well. Oh I'm sad.
Sad like one of those days I had last May.
I had sat down on one of the brick seats in the parking garage outside the Ala Moana Center.
I had tried shopping, as a distraction to keep me from feeling sad. From feeling the couple of days left. Maybe I would find something exciting, or something... Maybe I just wanted to go back to a place, and rethink everything that had occurred. This is it, going back to the source and thinking it all through again. I don't know how sad I looked as I stared at my white shorts, tan legs and grey vans. I must have stared for a while, and was so deep in thought that I didn't realize someone sat down next to me.
So much has happen since then, but I'm pretty sure the rest of the lines had gone along like this.
"Hey, what are you up to?"
I looked over, a guy in his early twenties, buff with tribal tattoos and the longish curly dark hair I like that was tied back. He was wearing a red shirt but he was also a lot bigger than me and looked tough.
I was a bit weary and answered quietly, "I dunno, just cruisin"
"So are you local girl? Are you Japanese?"
I responded "No... I'm Taiwanese.... What are you?"
See, that may also be my problem. I just speak to strangers when they speak with me because I don't want to be rude. Plus I always gave people the benefit of the doubt. One day I'm going to end up on a milk carton.... or maybe one day I will meet the love/best friend of my life.
"Well, I'm Hawaiian, Caucasian, Japanese, Portuguese.... By the way my name is Shawn. What's your name?"
"Oh, I'm Fiona. And hey, did you go to Kamehameha then?"
"Nay, you gotta be smart to go to a school like that."
"Oh.."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No, I don't."
"You didn't lie to me."
"...*shrug*
"Well, what are you doing tonight?"
"..............."
"What, I'm not going to stalk you or anything. Just wondering what you were up to tonight."
"I don't know, probably cruise with my friends."
"Ah, well I'm going to be at a party in Chinatown if you wanna come cruise and bring your friends."
"Nay, I'm not 21, plus I don't like clubbin that much"
"Oh, well if you don't like clubbin, what do you do for fun then?"
"I like surf... but I only go Waiks cuz no transportation, yeah."
"Ah, well if you wanna go surf, you gotta go Sandy's."
"aha really? I'm kind of scared of Sandy's though. You know those signs warning about the broken spines!"
" That's how you get good though. You can't always have the same surf. East, south surf is good during the summer. Winter is North.
"ahah, I see! that sucks.. I'm going back home so I can't surf south.."
"Where's home?"
"Seattle."
"Well, you go to UH Manoa?"
"Yeah.. but I'm not coming back... I really want to stay here too..."
We spoke about why I was going back and he had sympathized with me.
"Ah.... Well you can go back, get a job and then come back BALLIN!"
"ahaha" I smiled widely, and commented on how I'll just do that.
We exchanged a few more words before it was quiet and he had gotten up to greet someone.
I sat back, looked up at the Jean's Warehouse sign and pondered about our discussion. Then looked over at him talking to a lady pushing a cart with balloons tied to it. Only briefly, then I turn my head back forward, got up and walked away the other direction.
I wandered without any purpose, going into Foodland for food only to walk out dissatisfied.
By now I figured Shawn would have gone elsewhere, but as I passed by the area we sat at, he was still there with his friend. He saw me, smiled and said "Have a safe trip back home, Fiona" I smiled and waved as my tan legs in their white short and grey vans took me away.
Yes, it may seem embarrassing to write about this as everyone in Hawai'i knows each other, and if I do go back one day, that we may run into each other. We may not recognize each other too or maybe we will... Funny how one person can actually be two different person in our lives. If you don't get what I mean, then you probably don't know me that well. It's fine. I'm not writing very well either. My point is that I had felt awfully down, but then a stranger had made it alright. Sometimes all we need is a talk with someone new. Then to have them, someone like Shawn, to walk out of my life so quickly. A stranger floating around in the world, knowing my personal details, dreams, goals and wishes. Even most of the boys I dated don't know what I want to do with my life.
It felt good to have someone that took the time to understand me. Especially when he was stranger because you can never take back the time you gave away. Time is one of the most cherished gifts someone can give you. As I said before, Shawn came in a tough tattooed exterior that intimidated me, but he turned out to be something else instead... I wonder what he thought of me, probably just an aloof, sad looking girl.
Talking to random strangers isn't usually a normal occurrence in daily life. Especially in Seattle, I'm sure it's more common in Hawai'i, or maybe I'm just too trusting, aka too naive which also means too stupid. I like talking to new people though. They're not just strangers, they're people... I hope I run into another Shawn soon because I could use a good talk.
