悄子的音乐部落格 qiaozi89's music blog

阴天。这样比较像秋天。

有个人说他快回来了。虽然秋天的树都掉完叶子了，可是至少草地的绿告诉我们现在还是秋天。

叶子掉光了，落叶被扫走了；满地，却还没白雪……

In order to sing a song well, a person has to understand the lyrics and music well. Therefore, I'm trying to be romantic and emotional when I'm singing. A good singer is to be able to sing a song with emotions and to pull out him/herself from the "script" of the song -- just like an actor. However, things are not always true.

"There will be other lips that I may kiss, but they won't thrill me like yours use to do." from There will never be another you.

"Love makes me treat you the way that I do. Gee baby, ain't I good to you." from Gee baby, ain't I good to you.

1st (Tue)
Jazz choir performance
Digital composition assignment due

3rd (Thu)

在网上买了两张CD，两个星期后他们终于到了我家的信箱。这两张在市面都比较难找到了，因为不是最新的专辑。爵士钢琴手Eldar最近出了最新专辑"Virtue"，而我买了他这张在2007年发的专辑"Re-imagination"，顾名思义是在爵士钢琴里加入电子音乐的元素。还有这张把The Beatles的歌编成爵士版的专辑，我在听爵士电台时听到很好听的"Strawberry Fields Forever"，就打算买这张专辑了。

为了让大家知道现实生活的我是怎样的,我打算放上这张也许会"损坏"我个人名誉的照片。这样的面部表情，我纯粹是做来玩的，平时的我也是表情超多的人。而衣着方面，一点点的低胸在加拿大根本不是一回事，我也不是受加拿大的开放穿着影响，只是穿成这样走在加拿大的路上是绝对安全的。

PS: 我的中学姐妹们，那正是你们在我飞之前送我的项链，感动吗？=D

最近跟钢琴有点代沟，也许是他吃醋了，因为我一直练声乐和做历史的功课。这几天我一弹起钢琴，总是觉得怪怪。

我想说，钢琴，不管我在做什么，你都是重要的。不然我怎么练音准？不然我怎么研究音乐历史里不同曲风的分别？当初的你被发明，不正是因为你的完美音色和宽阔音域吗？

练琴加油！目前四首歌，根本不是难事。去年的我一年内才学了三首，这一次三个月内学了四首。

Saya perlu cakap ini...dalam bahasa yang kamu faham ("kamu" ialah pembaca la, sesiapa yang faham bahasa ini XD)

Kerana saya mesti cakap, jika tidak, saya akan sakit. Nanti orang Kanada fikir saya kena H1N1, peperiksaan saya dalam bulan depan akan ambil nyawa saya la...

Ya, inilah Bahasa Melayu yang saya sudah lama tak guna. Jangan gelak jika penulisan saya tak bagus, boleh?

After a hectic weekend, finally I can breathe a little bit.

Some updates about my classes....

Finally I'm done for my digital composition assignment. Discussing this assignment with a 4th year music major who has more arranging experience than I do, I think we did too much for this assignment. Anyway, I love the tune =D

秋天，大约摄氏十度的天气，我很喜欢。最近买了两件秋天外套，大减价的时候买的，两件才六十块，我也很喜欢。


我房间的大窗口对着房子前，我把窗帘拉开，让温和的阳光照射进来，也让我欣赏房子前小庭院的两棵树。一棵的叶子都转黄了，而另一棵的叶子则是转成红色了。树上的叶子一天一天地减少，散落一地的落叶，算是对绿色的草地做个点缀吧？叶子掉落，让人踩踏，让雨水浸透，可是他们却掉落得如此漂亮。这些五颜六色的叶子，就算躺在地上也要告诉你，他们是为了树能够在冬天生存而牺牲，

2 hours before leaving Toronto for 3 days. This few days I have been in my room doing stuff, which I still think I'm not productive enough. I still have my social life as I asked my friends out for a cup of coffee and a meal. However, I feel like I locked myself in my small world - no excitement, no new discovery. Perhaps I'm too strict to myself. I can only forgive and recognize myself when I make a good-enough achievement. But, how do I define "good enough"? I supposed the level is very high, definitely higher than that of Malaysian educational system =P. Well, I absolutely understand why I never missed home when I'm abroad. I absolutely understand why I can live with my own very well. I absolutely understand why I still don't have a boyfriend. Yet, I would never understand why I am so ambitious. On one side, I told myself that I want to be easily satisfied - I can do teaching in music school and write songs at the same time, get fixed salary every month, successfully selling song or not doesn't really matter. On another side, I told myself I want high grade in university, learn as much as I can, be a perfectionist in music. Perhaps, an ordinary music teacher also has the ability and passion to make perfect music, but the level I want to achieve is definitely not an ordinary one. If I want to be an ordinary, I would never be in music, I would never use so many words to describe my situation yet can hardly find an explanation.

There is a saying from a famous person that "never judge yourself strictly because no one will do that to you." But I have met many awesome people whom told me I must work hard. Getting into a music degree program with only 3 year music experience is a nightmare to me, a horror to other musicians, a wow-you-are-so-talented judgment from other people. I have been working extremely hard, and my own judgment towards myself is becoming stricter and stricter, harder and harder. That's what an aspired-to-be-successful person always do, isn't it?

Coming to a more basic point, my keyboard and vocal teacher in Malaysia once told me, learning music is fun. So, I shouldn't make myself too stressed (well, it is either stress or whatever-it-can-be, I don't know). However, 3 days ago, I didn't practice piano and vocal for 2 days and I felt unhappy. I didn't know the reason I was unhappy and eventually I realized that's because I didn't touch practical music for 2 days!!! WHAT THE HEAVEN!!! Ok, so now I'm leaving my piano and studio for 3 days again, but I believe I will be happy in Mississauga because I fully understand music is about life, but life has not only music. I still want LIFE XD

Last night I went to Dave Brubeck's concert at Markham Theatre. It was indeed a great performance. Seeing middle-aged people screaming was fascinating; having a high feeling like what we feel in pop singers' concert was interesting.

JAZZ IS FUN, for both the musicians and the audience.

I'm a serious music student, having serious attitude when I'm facing music. I will tap my feet or move my body according to the rhythm because it is my natural reaction towards music (this should be an ability of a musician!!!). But you can rarely see me smile when I'm playing music. Well, there are very few people saw me playing music though. I'm an engrossed type of musician, engrossed in a serious way. I know music is fun but I still cannot have a humorous attitude when doing music.

I'm very glad that I have the chance to write my thoughts here. I have been pondering about many questions since last few weeks. Many of them have no simple answer, because they are not simple questions. Does that mean I'm not a simple person either?

Simpleness and complicatedness have different faces depending on what angle you look at them from. Well, perhaps they are just all the same -- but they are still same in a very unique way.

Okay, I know I'm speaking alien language now.

I know some people have been scolding me in their head that I didn't update this blog in English for such a long time. No wonder I sneezed like hell just now.

So....

What should I write this time?

开学了一个多星期，36个学分，四门全科，四门半科，全部都是音乐课。

我会把自己搞到很忙，因为我是一个工作狂。

忙到对身边的事忽视，忙到没有心思管那些细小却很重要的事，忙到没有心思管自己内心的事。

最近的我，只要与朋友聊天，都会说起我上一篇文章有的疑问。今天，我也与一位女生朋友聊起这件事。与我一样是很独立的她，给了我一些挺好的答案。

“虽然很多难关我们都能一个人闯过，身边也有朋友撑。可是朋友始终会有结婚的一天，而我们需要一个属于自己的人，一个让自己活得更快乐的人。“

昨晚的我也读回四年前我所编的文集《爱在彩云间》。其实，我写的文字的想法都不会有太大的变化，因为我坚持的东西不会随意改变。在这本书里，主题是爱，除了收录星光国中学生的作品外，也有几部分是由我来策划和编写的。

看了8月26日的《娱乐百分百》，当天是七夕，小猪和小鬼对单身的人提议了一件事：写封信给未来的情人。

很久很久以前的我，也曾经写过信给我喜欢的人。有成功交到他手上的，也有现在还躺在我的柜子里的。

那么多年，我学会了很多事，懂得很多人情世故，可是我也失去了很多东西。

So it is August 24th, 2009. 365 days ago, I took a flight from Kuala Lumpur to London, and then to Toronto. It is FULL one year now.

Suddenly I wish the remaining three years will be slow and long. I'm selfish, I know.

This few days are not pleasant days. I didn't know what I was doing and eventually I found out I did many stupid things.

这几天，我找了很多位马来西亚的好友诉说一些事情。也许他们始终感受不到我的状况：我是公共服务局奖学金的唯一一个音乐系学生，我是约克大学里唯一的公共服务局奖学金得主，在约克，我只找到两个马来西亚学生。

 一个人在那么遥远的国度念书，我还能坚强下去。我在加拿大度过了四年的四分之一。

他们，始终不明白，无法明白。

昨天考完期末考试，我短暂的暑假终于开始了。为期十九天的假期，我想我都会待在多伦多。我也能在多伦多的多个地方留下脚印。

我去不成Montreal了，因为住宿问题和其他因素。人生就是这样，自己要的，并不一定会得到。

今天我与一大班人去了安大略湖边吹“湖风”，湖边的山的绿，感觉很熟悉。感觉很好，类似海边的湖边，也让我想起了很多自己曾经与海的邂逅。