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February 5, 2008

White Lie

White Lie 也就是所謂的”善意的謊言”。

華人普遍客氣，講求禮數，對於講客套話或是善意的謊言並不是很陌生。

但是開始了解美國人的文化、講話邏輯與用詞遣字後，深覺得美國人才是White Lie的最佳詮釋者。

有一次在ESL增進溝通的課程裡，老師給了我們一篇關於美國人講White Lie的文章，並要我們討論是否美國人講White Lie的頻率比自己國家的人高，課堂上大部分的學生都是在美國工作有一段時間、來自世界各地的外來移民或專業人士，幾乎一面倒的認為是如此，而文章中提到的四個美國人經常以善意的謊言來掩蓋真實的話題包括：年紀、職業、名字和頭髮的真實顏色。
 
年紀、職業和名字很容易了解，因為美國人非常愛和陌生人聊天，地鐵上、飛機上、電梯裡，甚至路上搭訕或是Bar裡攀談，常常可以若無旁人般的和陌生人分享自己生活上的大小瑣事與親朋好友的各式資訊，但是矛盾的是他們同時又很重視隱私，不喜歡人家太涉入自己的私生活，所以在洩露這些資訊時，三不五時很容易夾帶幾個無傷大雅的White Lie。
 
至於頭髮的真實顏色，我覺得應該是針對美國女生。美國男生對Blonde (金髮)或是Red hair(紅髮)有特別遐想，外加上外國人染頭髮成性，女生為了讓自己突出或只是開個玩笑，騙那些男生自己是naturally blonde或naturally red hair是沒甚麼大害。
 
除了話題外，美國人講話的用語與強度也處處充滿white lie。這也是結合他們文化本質-不喜歡對立與傾向稱讚與鼓勵有極大的關係。
 
先說說話的強度好了。外國人很喜愛用大量的形容詞表達自己對某件事的喜愛程度。對於喜愛的東西他們會不吝嗇的稱讚，我自己的體驗是他們的用語通常會比真實的感覺再多加一到兩個級數。
 
比方：
You did a good job =>(事實上) You did a OK/fine job.
You did a great job => (事實上) You did a good job or fine job.
You did an excellent/wonderful job => 以上述法則類推
You did a terrific/awesome/incredible job=>以上述法則類推 
你可以照他們表情與後續的說詞判斷到底是退一級還是兩級。
同裡可推，當他們說You did a fine job 或是 You did a OK job 時，其實他們並不是很滿意你做的東西，不要被fine 或OK算是正面的字給蒙蔽了。
 
至於如果是厭惡的東西，除非是已經很熟的人，在工作場合或是還不到想要翻臉的場合，很少會直接反對你，他們比較常用講反話的方式，拐彎抹角的否定你或是某些他們不喜歡的議題。

It would be better if …
I see what you’re saying but..,
Your idea sounds good to me; however, …

很少直接說以下過於直接的話，如：

I don’t like it.
I disagree with you.
You’re wrong. 
 
所以千萬不要被一開始的肯定句衝昏頭，以為對方是贊成你，通常要注意聽轉折點後的下文才是他們真的想講的話。

至於用語上的White Lie，真的好多，我先以我目前腦中想到的來舉例:
 
有一次我在Seinfeld裡聽到的對話是

Will it be terribly inconvenient if I stay at your place?

=>我想說者也不是真的認為聽者會覺得到他家住會造成"極度的不方便"，但是為了聽起來比較客氣禮貌，這種加強度的形容詞很常被用到。
 
還有一次是我以前的美國室友在幾封email裡往來和我爭論關於清潔的問題，最後她寫來以下的殺手鐧：

Let’s agree to disagree the amount of cleaning work we did was equal.

不代修飾來翻這句話就是：讓我們一起同意來否定”我們所做的清潔工作量是相同”的事實。

=>看到這句話時，我真的仔細的讀了兩次，非常驚嘆英文的奧妙。竟然可以罵人不帶髒字到這個地步，而且注意這個句子的重點用了肯定的”agree”，而非強調disagree。
 
還有生活上常聽到的：

Me: Let’s hang out sometimes.
American friend: Definitely/Absolutely! (絕對要的!/當然的!)

=>我一開始聽到美國朋友這樣回答時，會對對方真的那麼想和我出去hang out有點受寵若驚， 因為definitely, absolutely這種翻成中文後是有點強度的話。後來久了就發現，其實那只是用字的關係造成這種錯誤的印象，這樣的回答很多時候只是客套話，並不用太當真。
 
所以呀，女性同胞們，當外國人稱讚我們You’re pretty! You’re attractive! You’re beautiful! (註一)時其實也不用太過高興，因為相較於”You’re extremely/incredibly beautiful!”、”You look stunning!”、”You look like a model!”、”You’re breathtaking.”、"You're a flawless beauty. "等一系列強度更強的話，前三個充其量也只能算是長的不算醜的white lie吧! 



[註一] 雖然pretty和beautiful中文都是翻成"漂亮"，但是其實英文裡強度不大一樣。Pretty通常比較像小家碧玉型，beautiful漂亮的程度比pretty高，但是beautiful還是可以加上一堆很強的形容詞，所以搞得beautiful也好像還好。還有中文裡算是稱讚的cute(可愛)，它的強度更低於pretty，通常我聽美國男生說某女生cute，幾乎是不覺得對方漂亮的時候會用的替代形容詞。


本文同步登載於民生＠報
http://news.yam.com/msnews/mkarticle.php?article=20080224001205

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  • <br />發現了幾篇文章，共同點是在各國工作時，因文化差異，對語言使用的觀察。<br /><br />我常覺得，學習語言有趣之處就在於，可以透

  • （文化）英國上班族的問候語 ~ How are you? 【Love in CPC ::PIXNET BLOG::】 at March 5, 2008 09:44 AM Trackback

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  • 1樓

    1樓搶頭香

    妳好阿 :)
    我是路人 --- xD
    握握手^ 說聲HI*

  • loveru83 at February 5, 2008 08:59 AM comment | prosecute

  • Hello Loveru83, Thanks for visiting! Jodie

  • Blog Owner at February 5, 2008 10:57 PM Reply

  • 2樓

    2樓頸推

    今天是英文教學!

    學了很多!
    不過我對英文這種拐彎抹角的用法很頭痛!
    念到最後會不知道是什麼意思! Orz

  • tangblack at February 5, 2008 09:27 AM comment | Homepage

  • Hello tangblack,

    真的有時腦筋需要轉一下才能了解他們在講甚麼，尤其是用雙重否定時.

    Jodie

  • Blog Owner at February 5, 2008 11:01 PM Reply

  • 3樓

    3樓坐沙發

    Sealed

  • Sealed at February 5, 2008 10:20 PM comment

  • Sealed

  • Blog Owner at February 5, 2008 10:56 PM Reply

  • 4樓

    福樓

    my experience is that,
    there are lots more different white lies for female vs. male in
    different occasion.

    I'm always curious of how these white people can be so
    sophisticated socially and assimilate these acts, behaviors that
    well into their thoughts. My conclusion it that, because their
    parents act this way.

    They are so hypocritical.

  • ws at February 9, 2008 09:10 AM comment | email

  • Hello ws,

    Thanks for your message. It is thoughtful.

    I think I agree with you that Americans are hypocritical to a certain extent. But I found once you realize how they behave, the way they talk and how they interact with people, after all, it is not that difficult to understand them or even be like them.

    Everyone was/is once a hypocrite in some condition. That's how people can survive in this phoney world, isn't it?

    Jodie

  • Blog Owner at February 11, 2008 03:43 AM Reply

  • 5樓

    專業的5樓

    其實不用去用太多心理學.

  • ann at February 10, 2008 09:26 PM comment

  • Hello Ann,

    是不需要心理學呀,只是需要了解他們的行為模式,說話邏輯,文化背景與特質, 了解後, 其實他們說話的方式挺有趣的, 甚至有時候還有自己覺得可以學習的地方. 比方拐彎抹角罵人(哈)

    Jodie

  • Blog Owner at February 11, 2008 03:49 AM Reply

  • 6樓

    6樓

    Hello there,

    I'm going to write an article with similar on my blog. May I
    link to this post?

  • la.traducteuse at February 11, 2008 01:22 AM comment | Homepage

  • 7樓

    7樓

    Oops, I mean I'm going to write an article with a similar topic...

  • la.traducteuse at February 11, 2008 01:23 AM comment | Homepage

  • Hello La.Traducteuse,

    Yes! As long as you put the source, it is no problem at all to refer to my article.

    Let me know once you finish it. I will be happy to read it. ^_^

    Thanks,
    Jodie

  • Blog Owner at February 11, 2008 03:52 AM Reply

  • 8樓

    8樓

    Hi Jodie

    I've written the post on my blog. Thanks again.

  • la.traducteuse at February 17, 2008 07:57 PM comment | Homepage

  • Hello La Traducteuse,

    Thanks for sharing. I've read the article and left the comment.

    Jodie

  • Blog Owner at February 19, 2008 04:51 AM Reply

  • 9樓

    9樓

    Hi, Jodie,

    I came through la.traducteuse's article, and I am that other
    person who got cited, too.

    To be honest, I totally buy into the white lies. Hahaha. But
    that brings some trouble as well. I used to know this Mom from
    my son's old daycare. When we were leaving, the Mom hugged me
    and said that we have to keep in touch. I promised her I will.
    So, after my son settled down in the new daycare, I sent her an
    email asking her if she wanted to get together. She replied me
    saying that she'll be in touch after a week, since they were
    going on a trip. Then I did not hear back from her for three
    months. She sent me an email over Christmas saying that "I hope
    we'll be able to get together soon." This is probably the
    whitest lie I have ever got from an American, and I did feel
    OOXX, so I replied her saying "my schedule is pretty flexible.
    Let me know when it's convenient for you to meet." I might
    understand their white lies, but it's still very hard for me to
    act like them. Err...

  • Michael's at February 17, 2008 11:30 PM comment

  • Hello Michael,

    Thanks for sharing your experience and opinion regarding to white lie.
    I am not sure what kind of friendship you have with the woman from your son’s old daycare center. Therefore, it’s kind of tricky for me to say if she sincerely wants to hang out with you. If you two have went out couple times before, probably she does want to go out with you again in the future just that she was busy at that time. However, if you two just met in the daycare center and never go out alone before, there is a chance that her invitation is just a white lie. You know I found Americans or Canadians are actually very close to their family and old friends from childhood. They like to spend time with whom they’re familiar with. Unless they have to, they’re reluctant to get too deep with new friends, not to mention immigrants whom they need to spend extra effort to understand.

    If I were you, I wouldn’t put much attention on it. If she invites me again through phone or email with a specific date, I will then consider adjusting my schedule to meet her. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even bother to think about it at all.

    (Continues in the next reply)

  • Blog Owner at February 19, 2008 05:28 AM Reply

  • 10樓

    10樓

    It's me again because of the 1000 characters limit.

    Lastly, I just wanted to say that I have never heard guys
    commenting a girl as cute in the US. In fact, I hear that more
    from girls to guys. I think guys in the States do not appreciate
    the kind of cuteness in girls like the Asian guys do. What Asian
    guys considered as cute, they consider it as girly(childish?).

  • Michael's at February 17, 2008 11:32 PM comment

  • I agree what you said about “cuteness”. In my experience, most of time “Cute” is used to describe a baby or little girl. I rarely heard American guys describe a girl they’re interested as “cute”. One time I asked a guy if he is interested in a girl. He hesitated at first and then said “She is cute but she is not my type.”. I got the impression that cuteness is an escape word to actually criticise a girl. You’re right on! I did hear girls use “cute” to describe the guys they’re interested in. I guess “cute” is more positive expression toward an adult man then (Ha).

    Jodie

  • Blog Owner at February 19, 2008 05:28 AM Reply

  • 11樓

    11樓

    哈哈, 反過來說, 我常常得提醒自己的用詞
    很爛要說還可以, 還可以要說很好, 很好要說棒極了
    如果直接中翻英的話, 會被認為是苛刻或標準太高吧XD

  • 日光 at February 26, 2008 02:22 AM comment | Homepage

  • 日光,
    就是壓. 如果直接用中文的標準講出來, 外國人應該會覺得很受傷吧.
    現在常常只好把It's good!放在嘴邊, 其實常常我都覺得不good呀.
    Jodie

  • Blog Owner at February 27, 2008 06:23 AM Reply

  • 12樓

    12樓

    hello Jodie,
    Let's agree to disagree...并不是“让我们一起同意去否定“
    之意。 Sometimes at the end/in the middle of an
    argument, when there's no hope that any consensus
    will ever be made, one party would simply say: "so
    Let's just agree to disagree." meaning that they have
    given up on persuading you, but they still feel
    strongly that they are right, and they respect the
    fact that you're entitled to your own opinion even
    though they totally disagree with you. In Chinese,
    it is more like:让我们就此打住，反正我们在这件事上完全没有
    共识就是了。I agree it is still a very diplomatic way
    of saying things, but the speaker does not mean to
    impose his opinion on you, they simply want to drop
    it and let the record show that you both have very
    different opinions on the issue of contention. Gina

  • at September 14, 2008 11:57 AM comment

  • Hello Gina,
    謝謝妳的回應與指教.
    我覺得妳講的在某些方面沒錯, 尤其是比較正式的場合,如公司會議.我有聽過有人用這個話去結束某個爭執的場面. 但是呀, 很多時後英文(或許所有的語言都是吧)真正的意思要看上下文. 我上面提到的狀況, 我室友的用法是先說Let's agree to disagree xxx-(我和她作的清潔工作份量是一樣的).然後接著大篇幅解釋為何她認為她作的清潔工作多過於我, 我如何的在她的認知下沒有作足夠清潔云云, 完全沒有打住的意思. 這種情況我覺得是強調否定的意思居多. 所以看到時很火大, 憑什麼我要agree to disagree, 我明明是disagree to agree with her. (哈)

  • Blog Owner at September 25, 2008 05:51 AM Reply

  • 13樓

    13樓

    Hi, Jodie,
    Thank you for letting me know the "context" in
    which "Let's agree to disagree" was said. I totally
    agree with you. If I knew she kept on nagging like
    that after she dropped a line seemily to end the
    argument in a ladylike manner, I wouldn't have posted
    my comment to begin with. By the way, I just thought
    of a better translation for "Let's agree to disagree"
    when it is said by a more sensible person. "既然如此，
    我们就各持己见吧！反正再讲下去也没多大意思。“

    Gina

  • at October 4, 2008 05:33 PM comment

  • 14樓

    14樓

    Thanks for sharing this. ^_^

  • at March 15, 2009 08:39 PM comment

  • You're welcome!

  • Blog Owner at April 19, 2009 01:45 AM Reply
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