That's how the story begin, a girl met a guy that older than her man years. They went out and this girl finally fell in love with him but she know that she can't be with this guy because of his character at that time. He is unpatient and has a strong temper sometimes, this girl actually quite scared inside of her heart but she's trying to stay calm and tell him that he shouldn't be like that at the right times but sometimes she just only keep quite because she dont want to make him feel annoying if she do it too often.
In her heart , she knows that she is serious to this guy but she feel this guy is not, she want to ask him but not dare, she want to be with him but she knows is very hard for her to be with this guy. He seems that dont like marriage and kids,well, same to her...But, the reason is she still young to think of marriage and about the kids is because she always has chance to stay with the kids and she know that is really a big responsibility to have your own kids. She dont know why he so offended to this things, maybe because he dont like commitment, he is playuful and selfish. To that girl, she know what 's on her mind is just for temporarily. His character is quite stubburn, not only to one thing but she feel to everything, well, this girl confess that she is stubborn sometimes but at least only to some small things. But, to that guy she feel that is too serious for him, she dont know how to help him.
That's was a night, she came home after went out with that guy. She was lying on the bed with her eyes open, she was crying. In fact, that's not the first time she was like that. That night, she prayed to God, she said she is serious to this guy and she can give up what she have for now and dont mind to spend years on him to influece him...But, she knows that before she can influence him, he has influenced on her. She know that she has no ability to continue what she's trying to do on before. Therefore, she said to God:" Please send someone to save him and change him, if I'm not the one". She told God that she wanted to have a long relationship with him.
Now God has answered her prayer, she almost forgotten what she said before to God in a year ago. She really thank God for that and fear God.She know all this is not happen by fortune, is by what she seriously said to God. But, at the same time, things has change a lot and their relationsip as well. They are just a friend and maybe not even a sincere friend for now. She also don't know why, she knows that he will not listen and care about whats she say. She know that if someone wouldn't trust you, whats you are trying to say is just useless...
I think I want to give up. The reasons is not because I didnt love enough, is i understand to let someone go if they are not for you anymore. To give up something, is a hard decision for me. I have think it over and over again, I have make up my mind but I always change my mind and decision often because i'm confused. I wish that i can move forward and take this as my life experience, I wish him full of happiness in everyday from my bottom of heart and pray that God will take care of him...*_*
My life has been so busy lately, everyting was so rush,so hurry, many things wasn't going smooth. i feel very upset, I dont have enough sleep and rest about a week. My brain is out of control and not working good. Busyness at least can keep me to forget something for temporarily. It doesn't work, utill i found out that whenever i had the chance to stay alone, everything will come back to me... I feel stress when something have to keep it to myself and has no person to share it. The reason is I dont know whether should l say it or keep it... my heart still struggling. The only person i can always talk to and needn't to worry about what i say is
Him... I still remember my prayer to Him, He answered my prayer after a long time...In fact, that's something I wanted to give up long time ago, but on and off something just remind me of him, shouldn't i blame for the particular things. I know it's me, im quite a stubburn girl sometimes...now the thing is still hanging up and down in me.
I was incidentally met him recently when i was driving. It really happen unexpecteed to me, just a second ago ,he just flash in my mind ,the second later i see him just right in front of me... I cant believe what I see. I really dont know what it means to me...I'm really stupid!
GOD, what does it mean to me? I need the answer from You...just a word from you, I will follow...
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