what's wrong?
Oh, i hv no idea.
What's wrong with me?
I know how emotinal and sentimental could a pregnant woman. but this is exaggerated!~
Everything is going to be done, i thought i found A...and i thought could settle down.
But the truth is i am not 100% to A, which makes me feel guility.
This make me feel bothered. A is a nice supportative and A's consideration is the best part i appreciated so much.
I won't keep A away from my door, i have got used to A for a long time.
A is the best partner i have ever met since my worst experience in collegue.
A is going well with my little cute Mathew.
A made this decision at this moment which did surprise me very much, i keep asking A, are you sure?
There seems no hesitation in A's eyes, which moved me so much,
i am fallen with A, and it's too greedy to have J as well.
Today, i keep asking A for it, in this way, i can make up for A due to my guility.
A is quite cooperate, A is a good gentleman, even though A was a playboy before.
But i think i have no right to judge him, cuz i m a playgirl in J's eye.
While A's serious attitude towards us makes me feel his heart very well. How can i deny such a good A?
We watched a movie in the theater today,and go shopping, etc.
Have such a good time with him. Will i have the same happy time with J?
He is more conservative and he is an alpha man,
but i know his delication towards us even though i never meet J's feeling in the real life.
I need to keep both of them be happy in their own life,
In the mean time, I have no idea about the future,
It is the truth tells me that cherish the present A and happiness in the eye.
Mom told me so as well. and i know i will hv no courage to face J years later if another present of god does come to me.
that means, i never reach him especially my final confirmation for the 2nd chance to hv a new present.
Shall i keep it, A insist to keep, why? I think I shall try to check this with doctor next week, hope s/he doesnt come to me again.
Why?
1. I want to be free, and dont want to be caught by any one even my child.
2. I have my own career goal, more ambicious in my career, not my romance.
3. I am still searching for the Mr.Right. The one that i could reach in my life and the one i love.
Sorry, A & J, i cant ask you to accept me, such a cold and rational female.
I have set myself in a dilemma.
I have mentioned J to A, A is generous and he told me, J is good, but the one you couldnt reach in life.
J have no question with A, they are really different, J just told me he is bothered, and then as usual, we made it online.
Why? I cant tell, it's out of my instinct for J, and i know my strong eager for J. but somehow i m disappointed and depressed in my heart, I have no idea why?
and neither A nor J would understand this. ALAS!!!!!!!!
