October 1, 2010

I promise me

Milan Kundera once wrote that "The past is full of life, eager to irritate us, provoke and insult us, tempt us to destroy or repaint it. The only reason people want to be masters of the future is to change the past."
I try over and over to relive the past, to repaint it (in hope it might change it and make things better). I do it wrong every time though. And I am ever so sorry. So so sorry. One can't always be a dreamer. You can't live off the looks of imaginary eyes. You also can't depend on the eyes of just one person either. I need to learn.

Nothing is ever redressed, however. Everything is forgotten. I need to put it in the past. I need to put my love for them in the past, for they don't exist anymore (did they ever? silly girl).
"loves are like empires: when the idea they are founded on crumbles, they, too, fade away."
So let it fade, let it fade. Let it crumble and fade away, please.
I promised me but how many times have I broken the promise? (in fact, how many times have I forgotten it?)
Oh you silly cow, you silly silly girl.

I promise me.
I promise myself honesty above all else.

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