August 28, 2010

kisses and jinxes

He kissed me. It was like butterflies on my face.
When he held me and my head fit perfectly on his shoulder, my face found warmth in the crook of his neck. He drew light circles on my arms, my back. My hand, on his back, could feel the steady beating of his heart. Doggie was white and fluffy as ever and he rested his head on my lap. The perfectness of how the three of us...just fit together washed me with waves of bitter happiness- why can't we just be in love with each other?

I wanted to ask him what I was to him. I know he's changing to me. I don't want to be a kid to him, nor a  sister. And who the hell drops kisses all over a friend's face? Who in the world would cuddle and hug a "kid" or a "sister" for two hours straight? But he likes someone else. He wants to ask her out. So then, why are we so dependent on each other for physical comfort? What am I to you? I know, though, if I asked, it'd probably be the end. Why not enjoy it for now, until he find someone new or until he changes the way he sees me.

Totally jinxed it when I told him I don't want to get sick since exams are coming up. Totally went home with a sore thorat, woke up with yellow gunk in my throat.

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