January 22, 2007

There is nothing in front of me...

I tried so hard to get rid of this odd feeling, but still it haunts like an evil spirit.
I have nothing in front of me, neither hopes nor future.
I just realized how unimportant and how cheap I am.
I can't do anything by myself. I always want to get some help from some one.
Like they had said that, they couldn't help me, since it's my own problem.
I am so useless and hopeless that I can't even think of one thing as my new goal for living.
Now living is just a responsiblity. Nothing for me to anticipate.
I can't find the purpose of living, and no one can help me.
I absorbed all the messages from people around me, but nothing has changed except I no longer want to commite a suicide.
Everything is so plain and ordinary, and nothing special is being looked forward to.
I am so stupid that I can't even make my life enjoyable.
I have everything I need to be happy and contented, but as I am typing this journal, I found that I am really, truly, doubtlessly, absolutely hopeless.
I can't even remember how to spell some words, and I am not even eighteen yet. What a crap, eh?
I want to be who I used to be, but I really have no idea what to do or who to speak.
Everybody who has talked to me told me that I can't be not so harsh to myself and I sould try to lay down a little bit.
I am unable to do it, so nothing has changed. I still feel very emtpy and bored.
I think I will feel better after typing this article, and maybe it will help to vent a little bit.
Don't worry too much. I am fine. It's just an another ordinary day of my life, nothing special.

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