Hi dear,
This is and officially THE first blog I'm posting just for you!
(I hope you're proud, because I actually remembered!!) :D aren't you proud of me?

I remembered the reason why I actually stopped posting was because of the fact that
literally no one would go and read it anyways... so I took a second thought and said
you know what?
there's no need for more noise on the Internet ... I think that's when I stopped speaking
my mind out loud.

But for you dear, anything :)
haha

here's my first present for you.
a true story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Persistence.
is something I have yet to find.
is something I desperately need to find.
is something I think I need.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are certain moments in life that smashes straight into your head because everything you do
just comes back to you.

I don't think I've ever told anyone this but,
there was a time when I absolutely loved horseback riding, it meant the world to me.

Just being around horses
Just being near a ranch, a stable, a saddle.... anything that lead to horseback riding.

I was just in love with it.

I was a little detective of my own finding all sorts of stables located near where I lived,
or just places within... the province even. I was like a ridiculous dork stuck on the fact that
I just wanted to go and/or learn horseback riding.

Now, you might think horses smell, poop everywhere, stink even... it's completely true, I don't
deny it. but... it's just the fact that my love for them were so much greater I didn't even care.

I swear I bugged anyone and everyone about this, I even made my parents take me go horseback
riding for 2 hours... somewhere up north. I even went to horseback riding camp. I'd even force
my parents to go out on bike rides to the nearby park... simply because they had a stable there.
I was deadly crazy about horses. period.

However, when you have asian parents, learning something out-of-the-ordinary... was...........
out of the question, which usually rips a child's heart in to a MILLION pieces. but..
I don't even think they realized.

So when they told me something deadly unbelievable, I stopped dreaming.
They said, you'll look ugly horseback riding, it's nothing asians do.
People, would look at you funny. It's what non-chinese people do. Not us ok?

At first, I didn't believe them.

Later, all their friends encouraged those ideas.

In the end, I believed it & along with it went my heart.

As the years passed by, I never mentioned the idea again to my parents.
I didn't dare, until one day.

I said, "dad, how come you guys never let me take horseback riding lessons?"
his answer, " oh... because it was really expensive dear."
his answer... I accepted. Hoping my mom's reply was equally worth it,
then I'd give up the idea completely.

her answer, " oh... because you weren't persistent enough dear."
her answer... NOT ACCEPTED. as if it wasn't clear enough to the whole world that
I LOVED HORSES.
it felt like I was 'waved' off by the almighty queen because
I asked for extra cookies at the table.

it felt like .... S***!!

from that moment on, I understood the meaning of disappointment and expectation.
as they say, 'the higher you expect, the harder you'll fall.'
then and there I understood.

that was Mrs. Chen. that was Ms. Chang. that was mom.
if you ever mention the idea to her again, she'd hit you back with a reply even colder.
ripping your hopes and dreams... your beliefs in to a thousand million pieces.

alot of people say I'm a softie when it comes to these things.
but in truth, I'm just heartbrokened.
These torn pieces of my heart should have been mended by now... look at how old I am!

but, to tell you the truth, I've never let go of them. They stay locked away.
So noone, ever knows.

So persistence they say, is nothing what I've done.
Persistence is holding on to what you have done.
Persistence is finding out what your dreams are.
Persistence is holding on to every last drop of hope left in you and fight your enemies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

end. fin.

so eva dear, what did you think about it? :)
enjoy it and do tell me what you think about it.
remember you promised!
IN ENGLISH.

:D

JJJ

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