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July 27, 2010

Dear Self,

Never thought missing "home" could be the feeling occupying my mind constantly.
I miss "home", it's been long since my mind was resting peacefully.
The space in my heart that I called home. I miss you, my little self.
Can't recall the last time I felt completely satisfied with you,
I can't remember the last time we made peace.
I'm sorry that I'm constantly criticizing you and picking at your flaw...
I just can't look beyond the fact that I have failed you and l
ead you to the way you are today. But do you want to know a secret?
Honestly, I don't care anymore....
it was never because you were never good enough for anything or anyone,
it was never because I was still mad at you,
and it most definitely wasn't about you weren't trying hard enough to please me.
It was never about "ourselves." You know...I realized,
it was about the emptiness from lack of visiting "home."

It's like the holy of the holiest...it's untouchable.
That place only sucks you in and remind you of all the
good time and even the bad ones. It's a a swirl that keeps you circling.
You can come out by flipping the switch...but oh boy,
how do you suppose I am able to do so when my eyes got dizzy from vortex?!
tricky, tricky, tricky~

but just recently, I found myself miss "home,"
and I don't care if my eyes will get blurry anymore
from spinning, I found myself visiting it more often.
Even it terrifies me to death, oh boy, yes, that means
I need some alcohol before I go visit....

oh boy, oh boy, but now all of the sudden, it scared me again
hum........