Next step into the next stage in life

July 8, 2010

clueless, wondering where this came from
but one thing certain is this feeling is real.
Never being at a better place in life than
right now----still confused, still holding on,
still incomplete, and still fighting to decipher.
But, the happiest stage in my life ever.
Is it because no fear of losing any more
b/c I have lost all? Still broken, still wounded,
still crippling, still can't face, can' touch the
things that hurt me the most.
What a strange place to be caught in between.
Pain and beauty does coexist? Suffering and
happiness can walk along side by side?

Now I understand what's bittersweet.
My wings are ready to take off, yet the whole
body is attached by a piece of thin skin, so
easy to break away, but most painful to peel
off.

Being content at where I am right now? not quite, but
having a sense of harmony and peace inside my heart
about many situations I'm in and facing right now? yes, the
most definitely.

Trying to break through the clouds can cause one to
lose sight of what's the most important thing in front of the eyes.
and maybe the lesson is not about being okay....maybe the
bigger lesson is learning how to not to be okay and still carry
on with life. Don't try to be who you are not...and will never be.

Find that self, find that person who reside in the deepest
part of your heart. Understand yourself, discover the strength,
and expose the weaknesses. When you find that person,
make peace with him/her, and embrace from the point where your
paths crossed.

Don't try to be a bigger person then later on regret the decision.
Don't try to be someone better then hate the person you become years later.
Don't try to force yourself to heal without delaying the poisons remaining
longer inside your body, the pain is a gift, so does time.

Just look at roses....have you ever wonder why God create it to be
bonny yet full of throns?!