共生 [觀點] 30 Rock - Liz Lemon 的真心話大告白

 





「為什麼大家就不能在剛開始交往的時候，就把所有事情都攤開來說清楚哩。我是這樣，我有什麼壞習慣和怪習慣。這樣不是很好嗎？」           -Liz Lemon
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                





                                                                                
                                                                   
            
傻呼呼的 Liz Lemon，在情人節那天因為一束寄錯了的花束，而認識了在同一棟建築物裡工作的 Floyd。Liz 明明知道人家有女朋友了，還是傻傻地暗戀上了 Floyd，甚至不惜動用無良手段(請看上篇圖五 圖五)，因為使壞也使得很傻，所以歹計沒有成功，但是月老疼傻人，或著說編劇大人妙筆用處無窮，女朋友跑了， Liz 和 Floyd 也越走越近，直到 Liz傻呼呼地跟蹤 Floyd 到了一個神秘的集會場地。起初她以為在教堂舉行的儀式是什麼聖經研習會，後來才發現這是個酗酒者的互助會，正準備腳底抹油的 Liz 聽到了 Floyd 開誠佈公地和大家分享著自己的心事，為了多了解他一點，於是就留了下來。 Liz 回到辦公室驚呼著：「我的天啊！竟然有這種地方，大家就這樣掏心掏肺地和別人分享自己的秘密。」後來，良心不安的 Liz 還是把假戒酒真把弟的作為向 Floyd 坦白了。當然，Floyd 很生氣地走了。
                                  






我對我所做的一切感到抱歉。我知道你不會原諒我。
I am really sorry for what I did. And I know that you can't forgive me.
                                                                    

            

但是為了公平起見，我要告訴你我所有的奇怪小秘密。
But just to even things out, here is all my weird, secret stuff.
                                                                                



我不只被一個，是被兩個後來上了小丑大學的男人拒絕過。
I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went to clown college.
                                                                                



我聽到吸塵器的聲音時就會非常緊張，因為在我小的時候，我父母吵架的時候，我媽媽會把吸塵器打開來遮掩爭吵的聲音。
I get super nervous whenever I hear a vacuum cleaner because when I was a kid, my mom used to turn on the vacuum to drown out the sound of her and my dad fighting. 




這也是我很少…從來不用吸塵器打掃公寓的原因。
Which is why I rarely vacuum my apartment... like... never.
                                                                                



我今天已經吃了三個甜甜圈了。
I have had three doughnuts so far today.




在大學的時候，我曾經有一次在一家鄉村牛排自助餐廳，很不小心地拉在了褲子上。但我還是把第二盤蝦子吃完才離開。
Once in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a Country Steaks all-you-can-eat buffet. And I didn't leave until I finished my second plate of shrimp.




幾個月前，我和我的姪子去約會。喔！我的生活真是一團亂。
A couple months ago, I went on a date with my cousin. Wow. I am a mess.
                                                                                



在下一次的選舉，有百分之八十的可能，我會告訴我所有的朋友我投給了歐巴馬，但是卻偷偷把票投給約翰麥坎。
There is an 80% chance in the next election that I will tell all my friends I am voting for Barack Obama, but I will secretly vot for John McCain.
                                                                                
                                          

                                     
還有，我小時候，常會穿上漂亮的睡衣，把柳橙汽水和奶油蘇打裝在香檳杯裡，然後，坐在客廳陰暗的角落看「愛之船」。
Here is one, when I was a kid, I used to put on my fanciest nightgown, and I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass, and I would sit in the dark and watch "The Love Boat."
                                                                      






Jason Sudeikis as Floyd (SNL reunion!)



也因此，我對「愛之船」裡的 Gopher 一直有著奇怪的性幻想。
Consequently, I have some weird sexual-fantasy stuff about Gopher fromthe "The Love Boat."
                                                                                






Liz Lemon ，一個以甜甜圈為主食的職業婦女。




還有，我剛剛說了個謊。我今天已經吃了五個甜甜圈了。
And I lied.  I have had five doughnuts today.




所以，嗯。這就是我。現在我們扯平了。
So, um. That's my deal. Now we are even.
                                                                                
                                                                                
               




                         


最後，Liz 不知道是傻還是死豬不怕滾水燙地跑去 Floyd 的辦公室，做了這樣奇怪而慘烈的愛情宣言。結果，壞人卡竟然就這樣升級成了情人卡。







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