越是堅強越是脆弱

彼此之間隔著的距離，並不是分隔的距離，而是冷淡輿乎略。
感受到你的氣息，卻感受不到你那熾熱的心。。
為了甚麼而在一起，為了甚麼而分開。

i believe that it's not i'm thinking too much BUT

y the guy that i like don even care about me and the guy that i don even interest in keeps talking to me and seems to be dropping hint..

i'm blessed with friends who care for me, letting me know that they will be there for me regardless of anything..

but i cant rely on them so much, cause if i lose them i wont know what to do...

 총 맞은 것처럼 정신이 너무 없어
웃음만 나와서 그냥 웃었어 그냥 웃었어 그냥

somehow i feel relieved to know that he's happy there, visiting many nice places.. haha it's getting cold now and he needs ear muffs... he broke the one he bought in japan last year.. get a nice and new one and be gentle this time..

he music box he went to resembles the ones jasmine they all went during summer... yea with all the shakers and stuff... i bet he's damm high inside.. got jap songs so he will have an enjoyable time there.. but i wonder if there are his GACKT or other rock band's music for him to scream...

it's a gloomy and rainy day today.. wet and cold.. wonder what would it be like in Korea??? freezing cold??
somehow it reminds me of a song by DBSK/TVXQ => holding back the tears...
which i failed to even trying very hard...

헤어지지못하는여자떠나가지못하는남자
사랑하지않는우리그래서 No No No No No No
헤어지지못하는여자떠나가지못하는남자

 사랑이 정말 있기는 한거니

끝내 우린 스쳐가나요
기억 넘어 서로를 지워야하나요
내게 사랑이준 깊은 상처는

my blog is the only thing that i can talk to now.. i pen down almost all of my thoughts in here or in another written diary... 
since i hardly have anyone to talk to... someone whom i can share everything with.. 

yea.. 2 down.. although chui but heck la.. end liao nth i can do.. pray for the better den..

need to strive harder the the remaining 2 mods... ma1101r and 2102.. lolol

如果知道有一天會失去，我寧願選擇不曾擁有。
所以我從不爭取， 因為害怕得到了還是會失去。
失去了未必不是件好事，因為這時才真正的感覺到他的重要性。

GD your choice drop it on me yo

밤은 깊었는데 잠은 안 오고

it rained today.. i don like the rain today.. caused it made me sad.. very sad.. i don like myself being sad but i cant help it... but well's i'm still happy when i'm with a grp of ppl... ok as long as i'm not alone.. somehow the rain makes me feel cold... on the outside and in the inside... took the bus home sitting beside and looking out of the window... seeing the rainy scenery... tears rolled down uncontrollably... what sadden me the most is when i search through my handphone, wanting to find someone to talk to.. either they they din pick up their phone, replied with a tone which sadden me more... if not there is no one else i can talk to... yea.. it's kinda... the feeling of being neglected and without any sense of presence hit me so strongly that i teared through out the whole trip home.. finally one called... the one that i used to detest alot because of his r/s preference, is ultimately the one who cared for me the most.. i felt utterly ashamed and thankful at the same time.. it's getting colder and colder here.. i wonder how would it be like in korea.. hope he wear more clothes despite them not being really trendy haha.. maybe he will sacrifice health for nice clothes.. haha i donno gd to hear him enjoying his weekends after 5 days of boring work.. having fun with ppl around him.. exploring diff parts of korea.. even though the culture, food and atmosphere in korea is diff from japan.. but at least there are places for him to go skiing and hot spring.. i believe he will enjoy that alot.. there are alot of stuff that i wanna to tell him about.. my sch work my friends.. but i guess it's no longer necessary somehow i wished i was given an ans what was straight forward and i'll just accept it forcefully.. but somehow i wished not.. hope i don fall sick anytime soon.. slp more drink more water.. i coded until my wrist bruised..first time.. i always hoped for sth better or sth not to happen but i guess i cant help it at times.. life is harsh.. i just need to endure with it... i start to doubt myself and my decisions.. are they really made for the better?? no one knows... fighting!!! i need to help myself

this rox.. i'm actually camp in sch from sat to sun.. wooohhooo.. first time.. .. haven sleep for the night.. code non-stop and study some stuff.. seriously i nv felt so desperate before. trying to get everything done properly on time.. to save my grades.. hahaah lolol.. haizz.. 

i'm lucky to know zai ppl to help me.. if not surely chui... my mood and temper just worsen and i keep breaking down when i code... lost helpless and.. pek cek.. haizzzz..