My greatest fear is losing the people I love. What I realize is it already happens to me. The cousins I grew up are so cold hearted. When I look at them in the eyes it seem like I don’t even know them anymore. As I wrote before my cousins are my inspiration but lately they are the one that cause me to cry. My eyes are in pain because I think I cry so much. I bet everyone is like what’s going on? Well the truth is my cousin Kevin but I call him Kevy is coming over for New Years [Vietnamese/ Chinese]. The reason why he’s coming over it’s because he have depression and stress problems. My auntie thinks that it’s better off for him to relax. I mean Kevy saw the worst things in life. He experience abuse by his dad and saw his mother getting his by a gun by his dad. When I was in Boston Kevy and I are like close friends. He never fitted in. All his brothers was either athletic, gangster, or popular with the girls. I might tease him but truthfully I love him. Yeah, he might do the house work and clean the house but his brothers would tease him on being gay. Even Thuan and Dean would too. In the past I was like my other cousins teasing him but as I got older I finally realize that it was wrong. I regretted teasing him and causing him more pain. I mean now I understand that pain. Today suppose to be a happy day for me because tomorrow we’ll going to pick up Kevy at the airport.

When I was making dim sums for him and writing down the food I should make for him. [I never make people food unless I really care for them.] I thought of Dean and Thuan I mean we did grow up together I thought it be great if us three will come and pick him up. I mean he’s 16 years old and traveling on his own I bet it’s probably scary for him. I don’t know how Kevy is now but back then he’s not as brave as you think. I shouldn’t make that called. The words Thuan say was harsh cold and mean. He told me “I don’t want to pick him up because I’m lazy.” WTF? Is that? I thought he told me we are family? Ever since he graduated he became an ass. Dean disappointed me the most. Yeah okay so his older brother is an ass I thought he had some sense. Dean had always been my partner in crime….he hear me out and give me lots and lots of advice when Van die he was the first to hold me and let me cry. But today when he say why pick up Kevy? That hurt me……deep down…….I thought family was everything?

The philosophy I went by was wrong. The things I believe in was lies…..The dreams of all of my cousins and I having fun together is always a dream. I’m foolish…..Am I?

-sigh…….

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